Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Couch. On fire.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
