I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
