Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
