cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
