I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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