Who did Billy Mays play for?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
