she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
