there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
