We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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