great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
