Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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