The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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