just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
