you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
