I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
