I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
