Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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