What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
