Jerry, you need to find god
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
