It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
