dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
