I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize