I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
