I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
home. puking in laundry basket.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
