I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
