I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
