OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
