So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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