Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
