just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
