I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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