That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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