Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm at about main and main street
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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