conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
