Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
