So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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