now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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