Your dad touched me again.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
