He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
