I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize