ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
