You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize