You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
