You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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