i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
