I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
