Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize