if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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