What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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