ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
