Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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