Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
