I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
