U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
