The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
false alarm, still single
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
