Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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