You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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