just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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