What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
