every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
