I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize