Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
