in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize