His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
