He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
