i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
