you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
