"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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