I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
