i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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