I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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