The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
