absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
