and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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