Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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