Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
