There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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