the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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