I smell stomach acid.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize