Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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