Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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