Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
