you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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