Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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